He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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