btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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