Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
