Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
