Swine flu. Run for my life!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
