i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize