Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
