apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
