Plan B is the new Plan A
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize