i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
