I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im part way to drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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