got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
