Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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