I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
