He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I want is dick and wine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
