just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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