WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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