Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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