Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
