I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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