Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
