roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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