I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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