Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
