Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
