1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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