I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
