i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
