***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
