Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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