4 words: hood of his car
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
