She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
