So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
