operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
