She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
