Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
