Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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