That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
