I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
