Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
