i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we're making bets on your personal life
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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