you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
