Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
