Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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