i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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