just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
