Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dont even know how to be here
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
