My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
