The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
