Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
