i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
