your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
