I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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