Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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