i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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