you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
