There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
