dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
