Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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