Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
