I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
