Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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