why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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