possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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