This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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