The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
