we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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