I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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