You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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