somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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