god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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