its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize