What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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