some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
