I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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