Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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