i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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