you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
