go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
