Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Girls should come with a carfax report
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
