how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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