Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
