Ambien. No doubt about it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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